Book Review: Cribsheet

Cribsheet by Emily Oster Review

Cribsheet covers a lot of topics and has quite the timeline so I felt my book review organization from my last book wouldn't be able to cover it/do it justice. So I am just going to write up my thoughts.

First, Cribsheet is laid out in four parts, In the Beginning, The 1st year, Baby to Toddler, and Home Front. One of my favorite aspects of the book is that at the end of each chapter, there is a "bottom line." That summarizes the chapter in a few bullet points. I thought she did a good job at blending narrative and giving the data summaries from all of the research to make it a very readable book.

There seems to be a lot more clear data with the first year of a baby's life and then gets more ambiguous as it moves into toddler hood and beyond. The 2-4 year topics usually ended with, bottom line do what works best for your family and kid on topics such as potty training. As someone who went through the timeline with one and half way with another before reading this book, I thought she did a fantastic job on hitting all the major roadblocks, milestones, and choices you have to make. I appreciated that she added the Home Front part at the end, that deals with how our relationship with our partner changes when you become parents. So much focus is on your new bundle of joy and how to support it, but it is a major adjustment period for the adults as well.

Some takeaways that stuck with me. 

1. Ch. 3. "The other thing that will happen in the delivery room and continue over the next few hours is abdominal massage. ... A strong nurse will come around occasionally and push hard on your stomach. This is uncomfortable at a minimum. (To call this a "massage" is an insult to even the worst massage therapist.)" 

- I was woefully unprepared the first time I saw the nurse come in and do this to Emily. I shuttered while reading this remembering the experience. I didn't physically have to go through it and it still gives me nightmares.

2. Ch. 3. "Postpartum mental and physical health have the same pattern. You have a new baby - shouldn't you be happy and feeling great? When people ask how you are, everyone wants to hear "The baby is great! We're so thrilled!" Not "I'm depressed and anxious and I'm dealing with third-degree vaginal tears." The fact that these things are not talked about makes many of us feel like we are the only ones dealing with them, or should just get over it." 

-This is one of the main reasons I, as a male, need to be reading these books. Going through childbirth is different for the one that is physically carrying the baby than the one that isn't. Creating a safe space for your partner to be honest on their needs with no judgment is so important throughout your relationship but especially important those first few months after childbirth.

3. Ch. 4 "All this is to say that many of the purported benefits of breastfeeding for moms are really subjective." ... "And, more important, there is your time, which is valuable." ... "On pumping: it sucks."

-There is not enough space to write about Emily's and my discussions around her breastfeeding. From mastitis, worry about price of formula, the pull of the need to make it to a certain time, pumping while friends and family have a good time, it's endless. All of this to say is trust the mother to know what is best for her and don't judge (support) their choice. 

4. Ch. 9 "So let's start by just framing this not as "What kind of mom will you be?" but "What is the optimal configuration of adult work hours for your household?" Less catchy, yes, but also perhaps more helpful for decision-making. Second, this discussion ignores the fact that this really isn't a choice for some families. There are plenty of people in the US who cannot get by- and by "get by" I mean have a place to live and put food on the table - without all the adults in the household working."

-I really liked this statement that she made in the intro of the chapter. It is the framework that we use in our household and the second, states the privilege that we have and its important to acknowledge that. 

5. Ch. 21 "So, yes, it makes sense to take parenting seriously, and to want to make the best choices for your kid and the best choices for you. But there will be many times that you need to just trust that is you're doing your best, that's all you can do. Being present and happy with your kids is more important than, say, worrying about bees. At the end, let's raise a glass to using data where it is useful, to making the right decisions for your families, to doing our best, and -sometimes- to just trying not to think about it." 

-The closing lines, I thought summed it up pretty gosh darn well.

I would recommend this book to people that are looking for a broad idea of what early years of parenting is going to look like. I think men would benefit from it and found it helpful as well as mothers.  

If you read it, what are your thoughts?!